Uni, Should I Be a Single Pringle or a Taken Bacon?

Hello Elle

Are you and your boyfriend still together?
No we’re not

Okay, and how long were you together before you broke up?
Just over 3 years

How long have you been at uni for? And how long have you been single at uni for?
I have been at uni for 9 months and i’ve been single at uni for exactly 3 months

Why did going to uni push your relationship to breaking point?
When you come to university, it is a chance for you to grow up, change from being at school everyday and change the fact that the only people you associate with are your friends from school and your parents. The lifestyle before uni makes it easy to think that your teenage lover is the one for you because you cannot imagine a world without them, a world by yourself and you cannot imagine a word in which you’re away from your 6th form. Coming to uni changes that. Bear in mind I saw my boyfriend every single day and spent most weekends with him too, it was impossible to think that we would ever not be together. There are so many things you’ve got to learn coming to uni, I was a person that couldn’t even cook for myself, I had to get into a routine, organise myself and adapt to a new lifestyle. The last thing I needed was to be thinking about someone else whilst I was trying to learn about myself

Did he do anything that made you feel that a break up was necessary or was it about you?
Thats a good one. The sad thing is, he didn’t. It was the perfect relationship at the wrong time. He would be the perfect boyfriend for someone else but not for me at this time in my life.

Do you wish you’d broken up sooner?
To me, it doesn’t matter when I did it because I cant ever go back, the reason I didn’t do it sooner was because I didn’t need to, we were happy and so in love. But I would say, if you were having any of those sorts of feelings, it would have been easier to have done it sooner because it seems that we worked so hard through the hardest months of uni- like freshers and the dark winter etc. It seemed a little pointless to do it when uni had all settled down and we were normal and content. So my advice to people would be, if you’re feeling it and you feel like you need to break up, then just do it.

Was breaking up a good decision? And what have you learnt from doing so?
It was a good decision, I’ve managed to build upon a lot of my friendships, I’ve built a lot better and more intimate relationships with pre existing friends and made plenty of new ones. I’ve managed to focus on myself and find myself. We started dating as children so now I think I’ve started to build upon actually finding my place in the world as a woman. So I guess it was a good decision. But its weird, you’ll never know, you can’t ever see the alternative path of staying together.

Have there been any other romantic prospects in your life?
I’ve had the option but I don’t want anything so I’ve avoided it. I currently just need to focus on myself and having fun really!

Uni can be seen as a fairy land, surely going back home and seeing them after the breakup must be hard, does it feel different?
It is the most difficult part about it all really, coming home is just a constant reminder of what things used to be and how they are now. Everywhere I look in my home town, in my house and in my room reminds me of him and everything is linked to some sort of memory, it is truly heart breaking but it is something that i feel will get easier and better with time. I need to make new memories with friends and start not to see things simply from the eyes of being in a relationship and form a new way to look at life.
Warning though, bumping into their parents unexpectedly, that is never fun. But it is something you need to be prepared for, at the end of the day you are young, you weren’t married, it is not like you owe anyone anything.

Finally, What would you say to anyone in this position, going to uni and debating whether or not to keep their current partner?
Im so torn, part of me thinks that if you’re debating it then you’re obviously not in the 100% perfect relationship. Also, if you’re around 18/19 going to uni then it hasn’t been long enough for you to have been with this person and to know that they’re 100% the one because you don’t know what else is out there. But on the flip-side, I don’t think its something that you should just rush into. Everything deserves a shot and you do have at least 3 years so it is not like you’re going to regret staying with them for any extra ‘thinking time’, don’t worry, you’re not going to regret missing out on freshers, everyone finds themselves in their own way and in their own time.

Always follow your gut, but always remember: there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Over and Out
xx

 

The Girlfriend Criteria

Our best friend ‘the geek’ has experienced a fall in the ranks. Not in the social hierarchy (because, let’s be honest, he was stuck at the bottom from day one), but in the hierarchy of my respect. Be prepared for a rant post.

It all began with a list.

The poor boy always had trouble with girls, and it was becoming increasingly apparent that he was lonely. He only had three friends: Myself and the other two girls I live with. We began struggling to see how a person could live in the confines of his own flat, and surrounding himself with the female species alone. He began lacking in normal human skills, like laughing. I know – I know, he just began to be… depressing. We decided that maybe he was lacking a romantic companion, since he constantly craved our attention and contact. As a flat, we were close. We would rest our heads on each other’s shoulder and lay upon one another throughout one of our Netflix binges.

So we made a list: a list of what he’s attracted when looking for a significant other, in hope this would help us to understand the kind of girl we could play cupid with. The list began normally:

Preferred eye colour: not important
Preferred hair colour: blonde/brunette
Introverted or extroverted: neither one nor the other…

Being in a multicultural flat ourselves, we made the mistake of asking…

Preferred ethnicity: oh, white. Definitely white. Not black.

Now the alarm bells were ringing. Attempting to rectify what he’d just said and praying he was joking, we asked,

“Um, do you think, maybe, mixed raced? Asian?”

“No, absolutely not”.

We started to wonder why we were even friends with this boy and why racial issues like this hadn’t already arisen. But the list continued, with each comment offending one of us in many ways, such as “no northern accents. Not even Essex or Cockney”, “No piercings or tattoos”, “skinny athletic body type”. We began to realise that this boy was unpopular and lacking in social skills, not because people weren’t accepting him, but because he wasn’t accepting other people. Everything started to make sense.

HE THINKS HE’S THE ABSOLUTE DOGS BOLLOCKS!

His friend who he walks to his lectures with wasn’t good enough, because he was too quiet. He has never kissed a girl because no girl is pretty enough for him. In fact, he’s never spoken to anyone of the opposite sex because of this fact alone. The only reason we’re friends with him is because we made the effort to befriend him to make sure he wasn’t lonely. If it wasn’t for this fact, im sure he would sit in his bedroom every day convincing himself that he is better than us. In reality, he still does, and this list was a way of him attempting to assert some kind of dominance in his all-female friendship group of independent women: The Destiny’s Child of flatmates. And he beat us down, or at least, tried to. He found a flaw in each of us, but really, he’s the true joke. He’s been conditioned by someone or something. Whether its society with its female misconceptions in the media and porn (which he watches a lot of), or his parents raised him without humbleness, raising his expectations in the hope he would shallowly find his dream, well-spoken, stunning, boobilicious, white perfect bitch. Well I hope he does. And I hope she breaks his racist black heart.

Kindness is so important in this world we are living in, we need to be focused on bringing the ones we love up, not down. Being open minded to anything and treating everyone with love. Always remember that.

Over and Out

xx

10 Types on Tinder:

It is 2017 and there are officially only two types of people in the world when it comes to the app Tinder. 1. You have never heard of the app or contemplated using it, lucky you, because you are clearly in the perfect relationship, 2. You are exercising those fingers religiously swiping through all the guys that are never going to reach your expectations.
The dating ‘game’ never appealed to me personally until I started university and realised that 95% of the population had it, therefore I thought I would give it a try myself. After a month or so of what seemed to be me endlessly swiping left, it did not take me long to suss out the 10 most popular guys on there and what each and every one of their profiles meant.

1. The ‘Prince Charming’:
AKA- catfish. So, first things first, this perfect guy doesn’t exist on Tinder.
The one who seems to be everything you are looking for will never turn out to be just that, you have to think to yourself, is it too good to be true? 9 times out of 10 the answer is yes. That guy you were hoping for is too good to be on the app, he unfortunately falls under the category of happily loved up.
Swipe right if you like a gamble, go for it, but personally I wouldn’t bother wasting my time.

2. The ‘fuck and chuck’ guy
Tinder is polluted with these types of guys, you can spot them immediately, their pictures will be all body and no face, and when I say body, I mean lots of it, if you catch my drift. Their bio will be straight up so you know what to expect, trying to impress with height ‘6ft4′ and measurements of other body parts too.
There is no messing around with these types, the conversation will be short and sweet, arranging a time and place, the rest is history.
The aim is simply for a night of fun and nothing more, not sure how I feel about this idea, see my blog on one night stands and give me your views!
Swipe left for sexual health, and if you swipe right have fun and use protection.

3. The ‘group-pic’ guy:
Those pictures that pop up with about 4 guys in, always pick the ugliest one and swipe based on that.
No matter how many times I click on the profile with hope it is guy number two, the outcome will always be the same, definitely not the one you hoped for.
Swipe left, if you want to be a pro and get through them as quickly as possible.

4. The ‘overly weird’ guy:
Summary of this type of guy, pictures of him pulling funny faces, sitting on the toilet and doing random stuff that you just can’t get your head around.
This type of guy is wanting to prove that he is not like any other, he is up for a laugh, he is not too serious and will be great fun. What he doesn’t realise is that girls will judge him simply on those 6 pictures and it is not like there is any personality to help compensate for the pictures of you pooing is there?
Most probably you will be swiping left, I don’t need to advise you on that one.

5. The ‘posing with young relatives’ guy:
AKA liar.
We can see right through your endless pictures of different children, us girls are looking for a prince charming, not to be poor old Cinderella cleaning up after your babies.
Swipe left.

6. The ‘druggie’ guy:
What will feature in this guys pictures : bucket hats, festivals, wristbands, smoke and balloons
This guy will spend all his money on wavy garms found in charity shops and train tickets across the country for events, raves and festivals. If that is your type of thing go for it, but be ready for a lack of attention.
He is probably a good guy, but most of the time he won’t know left from right OH AND expect replies at 5am when he is off his face on something
Swipe, well, this is all down to personal preference I guess.

7. The ‘animal lover’:
This guy is really the ‘fuck and chuck’ guy but in disguise.
They know that any girl will immediately swipe right to the sign of a puppy or kitten and know from then on you are able to be manipulated into their bed.
Swipe left.

8. The ‘gym lad’
You know the one, the posing in the gym, tensing their abs under very convenient lighting and stunting with their protein shakes.
Be ready for invites to the gym, invites to go running with them and constant pictures on snapchat of their ‘after gym’ selfies.
Swipe right, they know how to look after their body, they are the pinnacle of health but be prepared for them to treat their weights more lovingly than they treat you

9. The ‘ghoster’ guy:
There are actually two types of ghosts on Tinder. There are those who you match but then never seem to make a move
The other ghost is when you have been chatting to a guy for a while, getting on well, then boom, they never reply again, what went wrong? Why did you scare them off? Answers that you will never know.
I guess this is a matter of un-matching after you have initially swiped right.

10. The ‘Unicorn hunter’:
These always make me laugh, it is a guy advertising to find a girl who wishes to join him and his girlfriend for fun. I mean, the idea is logical, but the joke is that they never have any pictures of themselves, you are expected to swipe right based on the advertisement alone. All seems very strange to me.
Again, personal preference, but if there were pictures perhaps more people would be inclined to give it a go and swipe right.

Tinder is fun, the love at first swipe joke never gets old. But I’m going to stick to good old dating.

Over and Out

xx

One night of fun or instant regret?

So, this piece is me asking for your advice. Recently, I’ve been considering the process of having a one night stand. Normally, it wouldn’t be something I would consider because of the usual fears: the danger, the fear of the unknown and the fact that I still have my virginity well and truly intact. But after speaking to a lot of my friends at uni, I feel like it’s a process I’ve been missing out on. I hear things like ‘are you even in first year if you haven’t experienced a walk of shame’ and I haven’t.

It sounds like I’m being peer pressured into it, but I’m not. It’s something that sounds fun and interesting; something that appears to make you feel desired from the first moment they see you in the club, to the moment when you end up back at their flat. This is how it’s been explained to me anyway. Don’t get me wrong, I love the thought of sex. I can’t wait to experience the thrill, the feeling of being loved and desired but, for me, a one night stand didn’t automatically have those connotations. I always imagined them to be rushed and sordid in a dingy hotel, having to make excuses to leave the morning after because there was never a time set for a one night stand to end. I always imagined my first time to be something romantic, tender and loving. But that might just be because society has told me that’s what I want. The more I contemplate having a one night stand the more I think it seems liberating but I’m also scared.

Obviously, not all the stories I’ve heard have been great, my best friend from home had a dire experience with whips and chains which put her off for life… until the next one. But there we go I guess, you have some casualties. Let me know what you think, send in your stories and help me make my decision

Over and out

xx

The Brum Baby

Let me ask you a question. Countrylife, Lurpak, Anchor or “I can’t believe it’s not butter”? If you had to pick one, is there a difference?
Now, I know for some people it is crazy to think people could have a favourite, yet I also know there are people out there who only eat/use certain brands of things… but, in all honesty, can one really afford to be that picky when they are a student? Can a young guy at university really demand a particular brand of butter? More importantly, is he justified to be ungrateful for what he is given if he is requesting food, which isn’t his own, from a flat, which isn’t his own, a flat that owes nothing to him? I think not.

Meet the Brum Baby.

The homeless harbourer’s best mate is a 20 year old guy, a guy who is from Birmingham originally. Let me make this clear, he is from Birmingham, yes that means his family lives about 10 minutes away from our accommodation and are literally a simple phone call away from helping him or providing him with anything he needs. Including butter.
About 2 weeks ago the Brum Baby came knocking at our flat door, at 1am, demanding us to let him use our butter, not just any butter, he made it perfectly clear that he would not take anything less than Countrylife, the cheek. But we are used to it, we are used to seeing his painfully empty Tesco shop arriving every week, which is only full of Maoam sweets, biscuits, a pile of garlic breads and pizza bases. We are used to his endless moaning regarding the fact that he has to write the odd essay here and there. We are used to his childish games of trying to persuade his temporary parent (our flatmate) to have a “takeaway party” every night. And we are used to him crying and being extra paranoid whenever he thinks someone is giving him a dirty look, which probably means they are simply looking his way.

It is sad to be honest, to see a grown boy struggle so much with the simple things and be so totally dependent on anybody and everybody… no wonder why he didn’t move away from home, but personally, if I could give one piece of advice, if you think that you, yourself, are that kind of person, please move away from home…as far as possible.

Watching the Brum Baby has taught me to embrace university life as much as possible, to become independent, grow up and learn life lessons that I never would have any other way or anywhere else.

20 years old. 1st year at University. What did he really expect exactly?
You can’t be knocking on flat doors begging random girls to sew on buttons on your shirts so you can sell them on depop… take this opportunity to learn not to be such a mummy’s boy/girl.

Move away. Have Fun. Don’t look back. Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

Over and Out
xx

Beauty and the Geek

Dear uni girls,

What is it about us and always favouring the hot bad ass over the quieter and less-likely-to-screw-you-over kind of guy. Since we were little girls we have been plagued with cute Disney films like Beauty and the Beast, where we’re told to look past the exterior and actually get to know a guy before passing judgement. However, this rarely happens. In reality, girls ignore this and cant see past trying to find their, totally unrealistic, perfect, Prince Charming.

Proof of this is my other flatmate. Never been kissed and yet you’ll never meet a nicer guy, he’s the kind of guy that’s all limbs and heart. Tall, gangly but sweet is how you’d describe him and yet because of us overlooking the nice guy, he could go by without a second glance. Meanwhile, us girls are left broken hearted because of the guy we’ve been warned about 100 times. When my flatmate, and I’m sure many more guys just like him, are right there, in plain sight, waiting to give girls the love they want and need.

A word of advice, next time a guy you’d normally call a loser comes by, give him a chance, get to know him and you might just get to like him. I promise, sometimes what you think you want, is not necessary what is best for you.

Over and out

xx