Uni, Should I Be a Single Pringle or a Taken Bacon?

Hello Elle

Are you and your boyfriend still together?
No we’re not

Okay, and how long were you together before you broke up?
Just over 3 years

How long have you been at uni for? And how long have you been single at uni for?
I have been at uni for 9 months and i’ve been single at uni for exactly 3 months

Why did going to uni push your relationship to breaking point?
When you come to university, it is a chance for you to grow up, change from being at school everyday and change the fact that the only people you associate with are your friends from school and your parents. The lifestyle before uni makes it easy to think that your teenage lover is the one for you because you cannot imagine a world without them, a world by yourself and you cannot imagine a word in which you’re away from your 6th form. Coming to uni changes that. Bear in mind I saw my boyfriend every single day and spent most weekends with him too, it was impossible to think that we would ever not be together. There are so many things you’ve got to learn coming to uni, I was a person that couldn’t even cook for myself, I had to get into a routine, organise myself and adapt to a new lifestyle. The last thing I needed was to be thinking about someone else whilst I was trying to learn about myself

Did he do anything that made you feel that a break up was necessary or was it about you?
Thats a good one. The sad thing is, he didn’t. It was the perfect relationship at the wrong time. He would be the perfect boyfriend for someone else but not for me at this time in my life.

Do you wish you’d broken up sooner?
To me, it doesn’t matter when I did it because I cant ever go back, the reason I didn’t do it sooner was because I didn’t need to, we were happy and so in love. But I would say, if you were having any of those sorts of feelings, it would have been easier to have done it sooner because it seems that we worked so hard through the hardest months of uni- like freshers and the dark winter etc. It seemed a little pointless to do it when uni had all settled down and we were normal and content. So my advice to people would be, if you’re feeling it and you feel like you need to break up, then just do it.

Was breaking up a good decision? And what have you learnt from doing so?
It was a good decision, I’ve managed to build upon a lot of my friendships, I’ve built a lot better and more intimate relationships with pre existing friends and made plenty of new ones. I’ve managed to focus on myself and find myself. We started dating as children so now I think I’ve started to build upon actually finding my place in the world as a woman. So I guess it was a good decision. But its weird, you’ll never know, you can’t ever see the alternative path of staying together.

Have there been any other romantic prospects in your life?
I’ve had the option but I don’t want anything so I’ve avoided it. I currently just need to focus on myself and having fun really!

Uni can be seen as a fairy land, surely going back home and seeing them after the breakup must be hard, does it feel different?
It is the most difficult part about it all really, coming home is just a constant reminder of what things used to be and how they are now. Everywhere I look in my home town, in my house and in my room reminds me of him and everything is linked to some sort of memory, it is truly heart breaking but it is something that i feel will get easier and better with time. I need to make new memories with friends and start not to see things simply from the eyes of being in a relationship and form a new way to look at life.
Warning though, bumping into their parents unexpectedly, that is never fun. But it is something you need to be prepared for, at the end of the day you are young, you weren’t married, it is not like you owe anyone anything.

Finally, What would you say to anyone in this position, going to uni and debating whether or not to keep their current partner?
Im so torn, part of me thinks that if you’re debating it then you’re obviously not in the 100% perfect relationship. Also, if you’re around 18/19 going to uni then it hasn’t been long enough for you to have been with this person and to know that they’re 100% the one because you don’t know what else is out there. But on the flip-side, I don’t think its something that you should just rush into. Everything deserves a shot and you do have at least 3 years so it is not like you’re going to regret staying with them for any extra ‘thinking time’, don’t worry, you’re not going to regret missing out on freshers, everyone finds themselves in their own way and in their own time.

Always follow your gut, but always remember: there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Over and Out
xx