It is 2017 and there are officially only two types of people in the world when it comes to the app Tinder. 1. You have never heard of the app or contemplated using it, lucky you, because you are clearly in the perfect relationship, 2. You are exercising those fingers religiously swiping through all the guys that are never going to reach your expectations.
The dating ‘game’ never appealed to me personally until I started university and realised that 95% of the population had it, therefore I thought I would give it a try myself. After a month or so of what seemed to be me endlessly swiping left, it did not take me long to suss out the 10 most popular guys on there and what each and every one of their profiles meant.
1. The ‘Prince Charming’:
AKA- catfish. So, first things first, this perfect guy doesn’t exist on Tinder.
The one who seems to be everything you are looking for will never turn out to be just that, you have to think to yourself, is it too good to be true? 9 times out of 10 the answer is yes. That guy you were hoping for is too good to be on the app, he unfortunately falls under the category of happily loved up.
Swipe right if you like a gamble, go for it, but personally I wouldn’t bother wasting my time.
2. The ‘fuck and chuck’ guy
Tinder is polluted with these types of guys, you can spot them immediately, their pictures will be all body and no face, and when I say body, I mean lots of it, if you catch my drift. Their bio will be straight up so you know what to expect, trying to impress with height ‘6ft4′ and measurements of other body parts too.
There is no messing around with these types, the conversation will be short and sweet, arranging a time and place, the rest is history.
The aim is simply for a night of fun and nothing more, not sure how I feel about this idea, see my blog on one night stands and give me your views!
Swipe left for sexual health, and if you swipe right have fun and use protection.
3. The ‘group-pic’ guy:
Those pictures that pop up with about 4 guys in, always pick the ugliest one and swipe based on that.
No matter how many times I click on the profile with hope it is guy number two, the outcome will always be the same, definitely not the one you hoped for.
Swipe left, if you want to be a pro and get through them as quickly as possible.
4. The ‘overly weird’ guy:
Summary of this type of guy, pictures of him pulling funny faces, sitting on the toilet and doing random stuff that you just can’t get your head around.
This type of guy is wanting to prove that he is not like any other, he is up for a laugh, he is not too serious and will be great fun. What he doesn’t realise is that girls will judge him simply on those 6 pictures and it is not like there is any personality to help compensate for the pictures of you pooing is there?
Most probably you will be swiping left, I don’t need to advise you on that one.
5. The ‘posing with young relatives’ guy:
We can see right through your endless pictures of different children, us girls are looking for a prince charming, not to be poor old Cinderella cleaning up after your babies.
6. The ‘druggie’ guy:
What will feature in this guys pictures : bucket hats, festivals, wristbands, smoke and balloons
This guy will spend all his money on wavy garms found in charity shops and train tickets across the country for events, raves and festivals. If that is your type of thing go for it, but be ready for a lack of attention.
He is probably a good guy, but most of the time he won’t know left from right OH AND expect replies at 5am when he is off his face on something
Swipe, well, this is all down to personal preference I guess.
7. The ‘animal lover’:
This guy is really the ‘fuck and chuck’ guy but in disguise.
They know that any girl will immediately swipe right to the sign of a puppy or kitten and know from then on you are able to be manipulated into their bed.
8. The ‘gym lad’
You know the one, the posing in the gym, tensing their abs under very convenient lighting and stunting with their protein shakes.
Be ready for invites to the gym, invites to go running with them and constant pictures on snapchat of their ‘after gym’ selfies.
Swipe right, they know how to look after their body, they are the pinnacle of health but be prepared for them to treat their weights more lovingly than they treat you
9. The ‘ghoster’ guy:
There are actually two types of ghosts on Tinder. There are those who you match but then never seem to make a move
The other ghost is when you have been chatting to a guy for a while, getting on well, then boom, they never reply again, what went wrong? Why did you scare them off? Answers that you will never know.
I guess this is a matter of un-matching after you have initially swiped right.
10. The ‘Unicorn hunter’:
These always make me laugh, it is a guy advertising to find a girl who wishes to join him and his girlfriend for fun. I mean, the idea is logical, but the joke is that they never have any pictures of themselves, you are expected to swipe right based on the advertisement alone. All seems very strange to me.
Again, personal preference, but if there were pictures perhaps more people would be inclined to give it a go and swipe right.
Tinder is fun, the love at first swipe joke never gets old. But I’m going to stick to good old dating.
Over and Out