Proud at pride

Although this isn’t my usual type of post I thought it was appropriate given that the last of pride weekend is behind us and the fact that this topic is something I feel very strongly about.

Every year I attend Brighton’s Gay Pride and it is my tradition to buy a new rainbow bracelet each time. I wear the bracelet as a way to remind me of the struggle that this amazing community has gone through, I see it as my own personal way of combatting the issue of homophobia amongst heterosexuals. I know that this isn’t a lot but it’s something small that I can do and I feel is very important.
While wearing this bracelet I receive many questions ranging from ‘are you gay?’ or ‘do you not think its insensitive to be wearing this and acting like you’re gay’ to ‘all gay people should wear that bracelet so everyone knows they’re gay’, not only this but during the build-up to pride I was actually receiving a few unsettling questions such as ‘what happens if someone of your own sex hits on you?’. Well what do you usually do when someone hits on you? If you are interested then accept it and if you are not then reject it. And if you usually don’t experience flirtation on a regular basis, what makes you think that suddenly just because you’re at pride you’ll turn into hot property?

The fact that I feel the need to clarify this shows that although yes, we’ve come so far in our society from where it was 50 years ago, very sadly, we haven’t come far enough. The pride flag is not a badge that warns people to the fact that someone is gay. It is a symbol of the LGBTIQA movement, a way of showing solidarity and support. The mistake that people make is assuming that for one weekend out of the year, in different locations, they should show support for the movement and that it should then be forgotten until next year. This is not okay. If every day we show some form of support then maybe the process of coming out won’t be so difficult, and soon it won’t be a process at all.
I really do hope that my son or daughter would feel as though they could introduce me to their boyfriend or girlfriend, of the same sex, in the exact same way that they would introduce me to their partner of the opposite sex, there should not be any difference.
Love is love.

(Disclaimer: I know that there are a multitude of different movements out there, and myself being black and female fit two of them categories. However, this post is about the LGBTIQA movement so lets just focus on that for the minute please.)

Thank you and remember, love always wins

xoxo

Uni, Should I Be a Single Pringle or a Taken Bacon?

Hello Elle

Are you and your boyfriend still together?
No we’re not

Okay, and how long were you together before you broke up?
Just over 3 years

How long have you been at uni for? And how long have you been single at uni for?
I have been at uni for 9 months and i’ve been single at uni for exactly 3 months

Why did going to uni push your relationship to breaking point?
When you come to university, it is a chance for you to grow up, change from being at school everyday and change the fact that the only people you associate with are your friends from school and your parents. The lifestyle before uni makes it easy to think that your teenage lover is the one for you because you cannot imagine a world without them, a world by yourself and you cannot imagine a word in which you’re away from your 6th form. Coming to uni changes that. Bear in mind I saw my boyfriend every single day and spent most weekends with him too, it was impossible to think that we would ever not be together. There are so many things you’ve got to learn coming to uni, I was a person that couldn’t even cook for myself, I had to get into a routine, organise myself and adapt to a new lifestyle. The last thing I needed was to be thinking about someone else whilst I was trying to learn about myself

Did he do anything that made you feel that a break up was necessary or was it about you?
Thats a good one. The sad thing is, he didn’t. It was the perfect relationship at the wrong time. He would be the perfect boyfriend for someone else but not for me at this time in my life.

Do you wish you’d broken up sooner?
To me, it doesn’t matter when I did it because I cant ever go back, the reason I didn’t do it sooner was because I didn’t need to, we were happy and so in love. But I would say, if you were having any of those sorts of feelings, it would have been easier to have done it sooner because it seems that we worked so hard through the hardest months of uni- like freshers and the dark winter etc. It seemed a little pointless to do it when uni had all settled down and we were normal and content. So my advice to people would be, if you’re feeling it and you feel like you need to break up, then just do it.

Was breaking up a good decision? And what have you learnt from doing so?
It was a good decision, I’ve managed to build upon a lot of my friendships, I’ve built a lot better and more intimate relationships with pre existing friends and made plenty of new ones. I’ve managed to focus on myself and find myself. We started dating as children so now I think I’ve started to build upon actually finding my place in the world as a woman. So I guess it was a good decision. But its weird, you’ll never know, you can’t ever see the alternative path of staying together.

Have there been any other romantic prospects in your life?
I’ve had the option but I don’t want anything so I’ve avoided it. I currently just need to focus on myself and having fun really!

Uni can be seen as a fairy land, surely going back home and seeing them after the breakup must be hard, does it feel different?
It is the most difficult part about it all really, coming home is just a constant reminder of what things used to be and how they are now. Everywhere I look in my home town, in my house and in my room reminds me of him and everything is linked to some sort of memory, it is truly heart breaking but it is something that i feel will get easier and better with time. I need to make new memories with friends and start not to see things simply from the eyes of being in a relationship and form a new way to look at life.
Warning though, bumping into their parents unexpectedly, that is never fun. But it is something you need to be prepared for, at the end of the day you are young, you weren’t married, it is not like you owe anyone anything.

Finally, What would you say to anyone in this position, going to uni and debating whether or not to keep their current partner?
Im so torn, part of me thinks that if you’re debating it then you’re obviously not in the 100% perfect relationship. Also, if you’re around 18/19 going to uni then it hasn’t been long enough for you to have been with this person and to know that they’re 100% the one because you don’t know what else is out there. But on the flip-side, I don’t think its something that you should just rush into. Everything deserves a shot and you do have at least 3 years so it is not like you’re going to regret staying with them for any extra ‘thinking time’, don’t worry, you’re not going to regret missing out on freshers, everyone finds themselves in their own way and in their own time.

Always follow your gut, but always remember: there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Over and Out
xx

 

The Girlfriend Criteria

Our best friend ‘the geek’ has experienced a fall in the ranks. Not in the social hierarchy (because, let’s be honest, he was stuck at the bottom from day one), but in the hierarchy of my respect. Be prepared for a rant post.

It all began with a list.

The poor boy always had trouble with girls, and it was becoming increasingly apparent that he was lonely. He only had three friends: Myself and the other two girls I live with. We began struggling to see how a person could live in the confines of his own flat, and surrounding himself with the female species alone. He began lacking in normal human skills, like laughing. I know – I know, he just began to be… depressing. We decided that maybe he was lacking a romantic companion, since he constantly craved our attention and contact. As a flat, we were close. We would rest our heads on each other’s shoulder and lay upon one another throughout one of our Netflix binges.

So we made a list: a list of what he’s attracted when looking for a significant other, in hope this would help us to understand the kind of girl we could play cupid with. The list began normally:

Preferred eye colour: not important
Preferred hair colour: blonde/brunette
Introverted or extroverted: neither one nor the other…

Being in a multicultural flat ourselves, we made the mistake of asking…

Preferred ethnicity: oh, white. Definitely white. Not black.

Now the alarm bells were ringing. Attempting to rectify what he’d just said and praying he was joking, we asked,

“Um, do you think, maybe, mixed raced? Asian?”

“No, absolutely not”.

We started to wonder why we were even friends with this boy and why racial issues like this hadn’t already arisen. But the list continued, with each comment offending one of us in many ways, such as “no northern accents. Not even Essex or Cockney”, “No piercings or tattoos”, “skinny athletic body type”. We began to realise that this boy was unpopular and lacking in social skills, not because people weren’t accepting him, but because he wasn’t accepting other people. Everything started to make sense.

HE THINKS HE’S THE ABSOLUTE DOGS BOLLOCKS!

His friend who he walks to his lectures with wasn’t good enough, because he was too quiet. He has never kissed a girl because no girl is pretty enough for him. In fact, he’s never spoken to anyone of the opposite sex because of this fact alone. The only reason we’re friends with him is because we made the effort to befriend him to make sure he wasn’t lonely. If it wasn’t for this fact, im sure he would sit in his bedroom every day convincing himself that he is better than us. In reality, he still does, and this list was a way of him attempting to assert some kind of dominance in his all-female friendship group of independent women: The Destiny’s Child of flatmates. And he beat us down, or at least, tried to. He found a flaw in each of us, but really, he’s the true joke. He’s been conditioned by someone or something. Whether its society with its female misconceptions in the media and porn (which he watches a lot of), or his parents raised him without humbleness, raising his expectations in the hope he would shallowly find his dream, well-spoken, stunning, boobilicious, white perfect bitch. Well I hope he does. And I hope she breaks his racist black heart.

Kindness is so important in this world we are living in, we need to be focused on bringing the ones we love up, not down. Being open minded to anything and treating everyone with love. Always remember that.

Over and Out

xx

Sweet Tooth

The first thing you need to know about University is that during Freshers you’re going to make a lot of friends that you’re not going to keep, or even know the name of, after the first week, however this girl (the lollipop) we’ll never forget. Mainly, because we see her everyday walking around as if she owns the place, but mostly because she’s the first person I know to have ever had a sugar mummy, despite her alternating sexual preference.

Now, when I tell you this girl was annoying I don’t mean the sound of nails being dragged down a chalk board. I mean an annoyance such as a fly nestling itself into your ear, forming societies, creating an educational system, filling classrooms THEN them dragging their nails down the chalkboards.
Let me name a few things that she has done, one thing I can say is she’s kept me entertained. Whether it be through her relentless coming over to my flat and pretending that her smoking addiction has gotten out of hand because she was on 3 a day, despite the Homeless Harbourer being on 20. She then continued to claim that quitting only brought on headaches so severe that the possibility of going to a lecture was too much, but turning up to my flat was easy. Thankfully for her, we always had a full fridge of food, something that she took advantage of fully. However, when she’d taken full advantage of us she started to walk past us in the street and regularly turn her head.

Despite choosing to lose my flat as her safe haven, she soon found comfort elsewhere pretty quickly. She started putting up snapchats with an older woman captioning that she was with her “ultimate bae”. Turns out she met her sugar mummy in the toilet of a nightclub, where she proceeded to do cocaine with her, the rest is history. Endless dates, being taken up The Shard in London, cocktails at The Alchemist and enough brunch to last a lifetime, who would say no, right? Clearly not the lollipop. She always did have a sweet tooth (that was really the one good thing that came out of our friendship: her bottomless stash of chocolate). But obviously the cravings of the girl I once used to know, have now changed to something a little more scandalous. She has traded in the trashy lifestyle of tally charting on her arm the number of guys she pulled in one night (12 was her best btw) to sipping on a well-aged mix of pussy, perfume and power.

If there is anything I have taught myself at university, it is that you should knuckle down, create your own opportunities and write your own future. There is no need to rely on a sugar mummy.
Stay classy,

Over and out
xx

10 Types on Tinder:

It is 2017 and there are officially only two types of people in the world when it comes to the app Tinder. 1. You have never heard of the app or contemplated using it, lucky you, because you are clearly in the perfect relationship, 2. You are exercising those fingers religiously swiping through all the guys that are never going to reach your expectations.
The dating ‘game’ never appealed to me personally until I started university and realised that 95% of the population had it, therefore I thought I would give it a try myself. After a month or so of what seemed to be me endlessly swiping left, it did not take me long to suss out the 10 most popular guys on there and what each and every one of their profiles meant.

1. The ‘Prince Charming’:
AKA- catfish. So, first things first, this perfect guy doesn’t exist on Tinder.
The one who seems to be everything you are looking for will never turn out to be just that, you have to think to yourself, is it too good to be true? 9 times out of 10 the answer is yes. That guy you were hoping for is too good to be on the app, he unfortunately falls under the category of happily loved up.
Swipe right if you like a gamble, go for it, but personally I wouldn’t bother wasting my time.

2. The ‘fuck and chuck’ guy
Tinder is polluted with these types of guys, you can spot them immediately, their pictures will be all body and no face, and when I say body, I mean lots of it, if you catch my drift. Their bio will be straight up so you know what to expect, trying to impress with height ‘6ft4′ and measurements of other body parts too.
There is no messing around with these types, the conversation will be short and sweet, arranging a time and place, the rest is history.
The aim is simply for a night of fun and nothing more, not sure how I feel about this idea, see my blog on one night stands and give me your views!
Swipe left for sexual health, and if you swipe right have fun and use protection.

3. The ‘group-pic’ guy:
Those pictures that pop up with about 4 guys in, always pick the ugliest one and swipe based on that.
No matter how many times I click on the profile with hope it is guy number two, the outcome will always be the same, definitely not the one you hoped for.
Swipe left, if you want to be a pro and get through them as quickly as possible.

4. The ‘overly weird’ guy:
Summary of this type of guy, pictures of him pulling funny faces, sitting on the toilet and doing random stuff that you just can’t get your head around.
This type of guy is wanting to prove that he is not like any other, he is up for a laugh, he is not too serious and will be great fun. What he doesn’t realise is that girls will judge him simply on those 6 pictures and it is not like there is any personality to help compensate for the pictures of you pooing is there?
Most probably you will be swiping left, I don’t need to advise you on that one.

5. The ‘posing with young relatives’ guy:
AKA liar.
We can see right through your endless pictures of different children, us girls are looking for a prince charming, not to be poor old Cinderella cleaning up after your babies.
Swipe left.

6. The ‘druggie’ guy:
What will feature in this guys pictures : bucket hats, festivals, wristbands, smoke and balloons
This guy will spend all his money on wavy garms found in charity shops and train tickets across the country for events, raves and festivals. If that is your type of thing go for it, but be ready for a lack of attention.
He is probably a good guy, but most of the time he won’t know left from right OH AND expect replies at 5am when he is off his face on something
Swipe, well, this is all down to personal preference I guess.

7. The ‘animal lover’:
This guy is really the ‘fuck and chuck’ guy but in disguise.
They know that any girl will immediately swipe right to the sign of a puppy or kitten and know from then on you are able to be manipulated into their bed.
Swipe left.

8. The ‘gym lad’
You know the one, the posing in the gym, tensing their abs under very convenient lighting and stunting with their protein shakes.
Be ready for invites to the gym, invites to go running with them and constant pictures on snapchat of their ‘after gym’ selfies.
Swipe right, they know how to look after their body, they are the pinnacle of health but be prepared for them to treat their weights more lovingly than they treat you

9. The ‘ghoster’ guy:
There are actually two types of ghosts on Tinder. There are those who you match but then never seem to make a move
The other ghost is when you have been chatting to a guy for a while, getting on well, then boom, they never reply again, what went wrong? Why did you scare them off? Answers that you will never know.
I guess this is a matter of un-matching after you have initially swiped right.

10. The ‘Unicorn hunter’:
These always make me laugh, it is a guy advertising to find a girl who wishes to join him and his girlfriend for fun. I mean, the idea is logical, but the joke is that they never have any pictures of themselves, you are expected to swipe right based on the advertisement alone. All seems very strange to me.
Again, personal preference, but if there were pictures perhaps more people would be inclined to give it a go and swipe right.

Tinder is fun, the love at first swipe joke never gets old. But I’m going to stick to good old dating.

Over and Out

xx

One night of fun or instant regret?

So, this piece is me asking for your advice. Recently, I’ve been considering the process of having a one night stand. Normally, it wouldn’t be something I would consider because of the usual fears: the danger, the fear of the unknown and the fact that I still have my virginity well and truly intact. But after speaking to a lot of my friends at uni, I feel like it’s a process I’ve been missing out on. I hear things like ‘are you even in first year if you haven’t experienced a walk of shame’ and I haven’t.

It sounds like I’m being peer pressured into it, but I’m not. It’s something that sounds fun and interesting; something that appears to make you feel desired from the first moment they see you in the club, to the moment when you end up back at their flat. This is how it’s been explained to me anyway. Don’t get me wrong, I love the thought of sex. I can’t wait to experience the thrill, the feeling of being loved and desired but, for me, a one night stand didn’t automatically have those connotations. I always imagined them to be rushed and sordid in a dingy hotel, having to make excuses to leave the morning after because there was never a time set for a one night stand to end. I always imagined my first time to be something romantic, tender and loving. But that might just be because society has told me that’s what I want. The more I contemplate having a one night stand the more I think it seems liberating but I’m also scared.

Obviously, not all the stories I’ve heard have been great, my best friend from home had a dire experience with whips and chains which put her off for life… until the next one. But there we go I guess, you have some casualties. Let me know what you think, send in your stories and help me make my decision

Over and out

xx

Freshers Threesome

It is exam season, depressing, boring, never-seem-to-not-be-snacking season. I am revising everyday, which means early nights and early mornings, getting up and saying hello to the library and saying goodbye to the clubs. All of this revision has got me thinking about the good times back in September, during Freshers, where we were care free and having a laugh with new friends every day.

Freshers was hilarious, I cannot help but laugh out loud remembering all the stories and memories but there is one story in particular that never ceases to confuse me and I want to share it with you:

The Homeless Harbourer, believe it or not, is actually a hit with the ladies, we found this out very early on when every girl would hit on him in the clubs and try it on with him… and it really didn’t take us very long to notice that he was regularly catching the eye of the other gender too.

One time I came home from a night out to find a crazy looking girl standing outside my flat, with her boyfriend on her arm, begging for me to let them inside. She claimed she needed to ask the Homeless Harbourer a question and insisted they needed to wait in his bedroom. Being the person I am, I really could not be bothered to gift these strangers with my presence any longer so I let them in, without question, to get them out of my hair.
It was a mistake.

Next thing I know the girl and her boyfriend have made themselves at home, under the covers, watching Friends on my flatmate’s laptop. I didn’t know what I couldn’t keep my eyes off more, the girl’s crazy hair that was flared across the pillow she had made her own, or the scene of them playing happy families in my flat.
(I know what you are thinking, I should’ve learned then that no matter what I feel, my flat is clearly open season for anyone)

A few moments later my flatmate came home and was even more confused than me about their presence, it turns out that they had been trying to chat him up all night, the pair of them and were wishing to stay the night with him. Yes, the couple and my flatmate, and I still struggle to this day to find anything remotely normal about the situation. He had to kindly remove them from his bedroom and disappoint them with the fact that he would not be saying yes to their…kind…offer.

The couple didn’t stay a couple for long, as you can imagine, less than 2 months later they were over. It seemed like a good thing at first but it only meant the crazy haired girl came crawling back trying her luck for the 2nd, 3rd and 4th time, each time unfortunately ending just as embarrassingly.

Moral of the story, be as resilient as this girl. Whether you fail or not, at least you know you tried. Maybe i’ll follow this philosophy during my exams.
Wish me luck

Over and out
xx