Sweet Tooth

The first thing you need to know about University is that during Freshers you’re going to make a lot of friends that you’re not going to keep, or even know the name of, after the first week, however this girl (the lollipop) we’ll never forget. Mainly, because we see her everyday walking around as if she owns the place, but mostly because she’s the first person I know to have ever had a sugar mummy, despite her alternating sexual preference.

Now, when I tell you this girl was annoying I don’t mean the sound of nails being dragged down a chalk board. I mean an annoyance such as a fly nestling itself into your ear, forming societies, creating an educational system, filling classrooms THEN them dragging their nails down the chalkboards.
Let me name a few things that she has done, one thing I can say is she’s kept me entertained. Whether it be through her relentless coming over to my flat and pretending that her smoking addiction has gotten out of hand because she was on 3 a day, despite the Homeless Harbourer being on 20. She then continued to claim that quitting only brought on headaches so severe that the possibility of going to a lecture was too much, but turning up to my flat was easy. Thankfully for her, we always had a full fridge of food, something that she took advantage of fully. However, when she’d taken full advantage of us she started to walk past us in the street and regularly turn her head.

Despite choosing to lose my flat as her safe haven, she soon found comfort elsewhere pretty quickly. She started putting up snapchats with an older woman captioning that she was with her “ultimate bae”. Turns out she met her sugar mummy in the toilet of a nightclub, where she proceeded to do cocaine with her, the rest is history. Endless dates, being taken up The Shard in London, cocktails at The Alchemist and enough brunch to last a lifetime, who would say no, right? Clearly not the lollipop. She always did have a sweet tooth (that was really the one good thing that came out of our friendship: her bottomless stash of chocolate). But obviously the cravings of the girl I once used to know, have now changed to something a little more scandalous. She has traded in the trashy lifestyle of tally charting on her arm the number of guys she pulled in one night (12 was her best btw) to sipping on a well-aged mix of pussy, perfume and power.

If there is anything I have taught myself at university, it is that you should knuckle down, create your own opportunities and write your own future. There is no need to rely on a sugar mummy.
Stay classy,

Over and out


One night of fun or instant regret?

So, this piece is me asking for your advice. Recently, I’ve been considering the process of having a one night stand. Normally, it wouldn’t be something I would consider because of the usual fears: the danger, the fear of the unknown and the fact that I still have my virginity well and truly intact. But after speaking to a lot of my friends at uni, I feel like it’s a process I’ve been missing out on. I hear things like ‘are you even in first year if you haven’t experienced a walk of shame’ and I haven’t.

It sounds like I’m being peer pressured into it, but I’m not. It’s something that sounds fun and interesting; something that appears to make you feel desired from the first moment they see you in the club, to the moment when you end up back at their flat. This is how it’s been explained to me anyway. Don’t get me wrong, I love the thought of sex. I can’t wait to experience the thrill, the feeling of being loved and desired but, for me, a one night stand didn’t automatically have those connotations. I always imagined them to be rushed and sordid in a dingy hotel, having to make excuses to leave the morning after because there was never a time set for a one night stand to end. I always imagined my first time to be something romantic, tender and loving. But that might just be because society has told me that’s what I want. The more I contemplate having a one night stand the more I think it seems liberating but I’m also scared.

Obviously, not all the stories I’ve heard have been great, my best friend from home had a dire experience with whips and chains which put her off for life… until the next one. But there we go I guess, you have some casualties. Let me know what you think, send in your stories and help me make my decision

Over and out


Beauty and the Geek

Dear uni girls,

What is it about us and always favouring the hot bad ass over the quieter and less-likely-to-screw-you-over kind of guy. Since we were little girls we have been plagued with cute Disney films like Beauty and the Beast, where we’re told to look past the exterior and actually get to know a guy before passing judgement. However, this rarely happens. In reality, girls ignore this and cant see past trying to find their, totally unrealistic, perfect, Prince Charming.

Proof of this is my other flatmate. Never been kissed and yet you’ll never meet a nicer guy, he’s the kind of guy that’s all limbs and heart. Tall, gangly but sweet is how you’d describe him and yet because of us overlooking the nice guy, he could go by without a second glance. Meanwhile, us girls are left broken hearted because of the guy we’ve been warned about 100 times. When my flatmate, and I’m sure many more guys just like him, are right there, in plain sight, waiting to give girls the love they want and need.

A word of advice, next time a guy you’d normally call a loser comes by, give him a chance, get to know him and you might just get to like him. I promise, sometimes what you think you want, is not necessary what is best for you.

Over and out